You are beautiful. You are talented. You are strong. You are brave. You are courageous. When we go through the pains of life, these are hard words to swallow. We forget our values to ourselves and to the world. We feel destitute, forsaken, and lost. We feel we don't have anything or anyone to hold onto any longer. It is with these feelings that we often become depressed and withdraw from the world and our loved ones.
I urge you to stay steadfast on your journey and dig deep to find your yourself again.
When my brother Captain Christopher Soelzer passed away on that fateful Christmas Eve 2003 I was traumatized to say the least. Here I was, the youngest child, who chose to not go in the military and stay close to home, being tossed into this new reality that I was not prepared for. I had never had to take on the challenges that lay before me. I was forced to grow up really quickly and to be strong for my mother and father. My brother, Josh Soelzer, was also serving over in Iraq when our brother was killed. He was definitely in no position to take on this role as he was going through his own grief and loss. My grandmother also passed away the same day from cancer and so as both of my brothers flew home it was my responsibility to represent the family and travel to Sioux Falls for my grandmother's funeral.
Not only did I have my own grief to go through, because my brother was killed in the Iraq war, his death was all over the media. Every local, state, and national newspaper had the story printed, every news station was airing the story. "The bloodiest day since the war started" the headlines read. Flags were at half staff all across the state as I drove to another funeral. It was a lot to bear. But what was even harder to bear was there was no mention of Tim Soelzer, the youngest brother, who was not in the military. Where was my story, where was there mention of the relationship that I had with my brother? I felt alone, lost, I did not have anyone to turn to. I felt as if I was the "forgotten" child.
It took me many years through my journey to realize that I was never forgotten, and that I was never alone. My rock, my salvation, my Lord and God had never forsaken me and was and is walking with me everyday and lifting me up. I can stand here today and say that I am Tim Soelzer, the son of Steve and Delain, and the brother of Captain Christopher Frank Soelzer and Joshua Soelzer. Yes, I have still a long road ahead as we all do. But through faith and healing, you too will be able to say, I am beautiful, I am talented, I am strong, I am brave, and I am courageous.
God bless
Tim Soelzer
The Sparrow's Nest
The Sparrows Nest
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Gone From My Sight, That's All
All we have is hope. Hope that we will see our loved ones again. Hope that we will see the sparkle in their eyes and the sunlight on their hair. Hope that we will hear their joyous laughter once again. Hope that someday soon we will join them once again to dance and sing. We have hope that there are never goodbyes and that our loved ones are only but in another room waiting to open the door for us and welcome us home.
This poem has helped me to journey through my own losses in life. I pray it will bring you peace and comfort as you read it as well;
I am standing upon that foreshore.
A ship at my side spreads her white sails to the morning breeze and starts for the blue ocean. She is an object of beauty and strength and I stand and watch her until at length she hangs like a speck of white clouds just where the sea and sky come down to mingle with each other.
Then someone at my side says, "There! She's gone!"
"Gone where?"
"Gone from my sight, that's all". She is just as large in mast and spar and hull as ever she was when she left my side; just as able to bear her load of living freight to the place of her destination. Her diminished size is in me, not in her. And just at that moment when someone at my side says, "There! She's gone!" there are other eyes watching her coming and other voices ready to take up the glad shout, "Here she comes!" And that is dying.
This poem has helped me to journey through my own losses in life. I pray it will bring you peace and comfort as you read it as well;
I am standing upon that foreshore.
A ship at my side spreads her white sails to the morning breeze and starts for the blue ocean. She is an object of beauty and strength and I stand and watch her until at length she hangs like a speck of white clouds just where the sea and sky come down to mingle with each other.
Then someone at my side says, "There! She's gone!"
"Gone where?"
"Gone from my sight, that's all". She is just as large in mast and spar and hull as ever she was when she left my side; just as able to bear her load of living freight to the place of her destination. Her diminished size is in me, not in her. And just at that moment when someone at my side says, "There! She's gone!" there are other eyes watching her coming and other voices ready to take up the glad shout, "Here she comes!" And that is dying.
God Bless. DVM Spiro Spero (While I Breath, I Have Hope)
Tim Soelzer- The Sparrow's Nest
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Support Information
For support, please email us today at centerforhopedirector@yahoo.com. Every contact with the sparrow's nest is confidential.
Blessings,
Delain Johnson, MS, NCC
Second Chances
It has been a few days since I have been on this blog to write and bear my heart and soul with friends of the Sparrow's Nest. I have been so busy learning how to run a business when in my heart of hearts I really just want to be with those who share their hopes and dreams of one day feeling whole again.
I have heard from people I really care about this week; even in the midst of paperwork piled high on my desk, emails screaming at me to respond "immediately" or "at my earliest convenience". I set aside the "stuff" and sit at their feet and listen. These people teach me about love and commitment.
To the woman who is following her dreams of continuing her path to higher education, I say you are amazing. You have overcome so much in your life and I know what it is that drives you. Someone believed in you! You can do this and you can touch the lives of others because of what you have gone through. You reached down deep to go outside of yourself and touch the hearts of those around you. I commit to companion you through this journey also. You have been given a second chance...
To the man who called me at home last night to ask what do I do and why do I do that and I don't want to lose her too, I say this...You were given a second chance in life. A second chance with the God that you worship now and love and seek to know more about. The God that loves you unconditionally and believes in you and knows you will chose to do the right thing. To raise your daughter up in the way she will go and then let her fly. Children always come home to the "nest". Trust me, I know this to be so very true. Praise God for the faithfulness of his promises. Just breathe and trust. Keep in mind that fear is the direct opposite of trust.
To my long time "friend" from miles away, you have given second chances to others so many times over the years we've talked. It is time...time for you to hug yourself, dig deep to find the courage to give yourself over to the desire for second chances. Second chance to learn what love really is and to trust that you know in your heart of hearts that you will find it. When we give and give till we can't give anymore and you are losing yourself just one more time, look up and breathe. Shame binds us and stops us from making those really hard decisions that actually when we make them we break all those chains that keep us from standing strong. I once saw a picture of a beautiful woman, bound tight with chains. Each link had a name of something or someone who was keeping her locked up. As she stood tall, looking up and not down the links were falling off her one by one. The sun was shining on her as if from God himself and her arms were no longer at her side but out in front of her reaching and receiving her second chance.
Now, I must write to the very sad story that I heard about this week. It is one of generational bondage where suicide is a darkness that hangs over the head of the women in the family. To this I want to say that you have the power to break that "curse" so to speak. You can be the one that speaks to a grief and utter despair that will no longer hold you down. You can choose LIFE and LOVE. But first, you must learn about that which is holding you down. You must forgive those who chose to give in to the darkness; to die and not fight. Forgiveness is for you my dear. You must mourn well that you might live well. Reach out to others who have chosen to stay here for awhile. You are being given a second chance to help others in their despair and teach them how to love deeply and courageously. You must learn to integrate such a deep loss into your life. A dear friend of mine who has suffered loss of two children and a spouse, a mother and a father once told me that she felt so fragmented. As if she was in this world but not of this world. I have thought that I would be losing her way too early. Her journey of grief led her to learning that she can have EMOTIONAL FREEDOM after such shock in her life. YOU CAN HAVE THAT TOO! It is our second chance to come back to this earth and be grounded to love once more. Let's talk...
And now, last but not least...I have learned this week that I too must forgive; I must let go and accept that I no longer know the person of my past that could hold me bound and chained. I must give myself a second chance this day to rise above that which attempts to pull me down. I do not have to get sucked in to those things that desire that I might die to relieve them of the constant reminder of what they are not. We are mirrors to each other. We take what we need to learn from that and shake off the rest. Learning to let go is a life long lesson. It is our choice to do so...our second chance at love, laughter and peace. To this end I say, "that just doesn't fit for me right now!" The breastplate of righteousness is on and my trust does not lie in man but in God.
~while I breathe, I have hope (dum spiro spero)
Until next time...
Delain
I have heard from people I really care about this week; even in the midst of paperwork piled high on my desk, emails screaming at me to respond "immediately" or "at my earliest convenience". I set aside the "stuff" and sit at their feet and listen. These people teach me about love and commitment.
To the woman who is following her dreams of continuing her path to higher education, I say you are amazing. You have overcome so much in your life and I know what it is that drives you. Someone believed in you! You can do this and you can touch the lives of others because of what you have gone through. You reached down deep to go outside of yourself and touch the hearts of those around you. I commit to companion you through this journey also. You have been given a second chance...
To the man who called me at home last night to ask what do I do and why do I do that and I don't want to lose her too, I say this...You were given a second chance in life. A second chance with the God that you worship now and love and seek to know more about. The God that loves you unconditionally and believes in you and knows you will chose to do the right thing. To raise your daughter up in the way she will go and then let her fly. Children always come home to the "nest". Trust me, I know this to be so very true. Praise God for the faithfulness of his promises. Just breathe and trust. Keep in mind that fear is the direct opposite of trust.
To my long time "friend" from miles away, you have given second chances to others so many times over the years we've talked. It is time...time for you to hug yourself, dig deep to find the courage to give yourself over to the desire for second chances. Second chance to learn what love really is and to trust that you know in your heart of hearts that you will find it. When we give and give till we can't give anymore and you are losing yourself just one more time, look up and breathe. Shame binds us and stops us from making those really hard decisions that actually when we make them we break all those chains that keep us from standing strong. I once saw a picture of a beautiful woman, bound tight with chains. Each link had a name of something or someone who was keeping her locked up. As she stood tall, looking up and not down the links were falling off her one by one. The sun was shining on her as if from God himself and her arms were no longer at her side but out in front of her reaching and receiving her second chance.
Now, I must write to the very sad story that I heard about this week. It is one of generational bondage where suicide is a darkness that hangs over the head of the women in the family. To this I want to say that you have the power to break that "curse" so to speak. You can be the one that speaks to a grief and utter despair that will no longer hold you down. You can choose LIFE and LOVE. But first, you must learn about that which is holding you down. You must forgive those who chose to give in to the darkness; to die and not fight. Forgiveness is for you my dear. You must mourn well that you might live well. Reach out to others who have chosen to stay here for awhile. You are being given a second chance to help others in their despair and teach them how to love deeply and courageously. You must learn to integrate such a deep loss into your life. A dear friend of mine who has suffered loss of two children and a spouse, a mother and a father once told me that she felt so fragmented. As if she was in this world but not of this world. I have thought that I would be losing her way too early. Her journey of grief led her to learning that she can have EMOTIONAL FREEDOM after such shock in her life. YOU CAN HAVE THAT TOO! It is our second chance to come back to this earth and be grounded to love once more. Let's talk...
And now, last but not least...I have learned this week that I too must forgive; I must let go and accept that I no longer know the person of my past that could hold me bound and chained. I must give myself a second chance this day to rise above that which attempts to pull me down. I do not have to get sucked in to those things that desire that I might die to relieve them of the constant reminder of what they are not. We are mirrors to each other. We take what we need to learn from that and shake off the rest. Learning to let go is a life long lesson. It is our choice to do so...our second chance at love, laughter and peace. To this end I say, "that just doesn't fit for me right now!" The breastplate of righteousness is on and my trust does not lie in man but in God.
~while I breathe, I have hope (dum spiro spero)
Until next time...
Delain
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
For Support
For support, please email us today at centerforhopedirector@yahoo.com. Every contact with the sparrow's nest is confidential.
Blessings,
Delain Johnson, MS, NCC
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
The 5 Stages of Grief
In 1969, psychiatrist Elisabeth Kubler-Ross identified what has become known as the "five stages of grief."
Denial: "It had to have happened to someone else, not to me."
Anger: "What did my family do to deserve this!"
Bargaining: "God Please, take me instead, I am older"
Depression: "I am too sad to do anything today."
Acceptance: "Everything will be alright, I am at peace now."
If you are experiencing any of these 5 stages, your reaction is natural and that you are on the right track to healing. Every single one of us is on our own journey through grief and loss. Take care of yourself so that by grieving well, you may live well.
Blessings,
Delain Johnson, MS, NCC
Denial: "It had to have happened to someone else, not to me."
Anger: "What did my family do to deserve this!"
Bargaining: "God Please, take me instead, I am older"
Depression: "I am too sad to do anything today."
Acceptance: "Everything will be alright, I am at peace now."
If you are experiencing any of these 5 stages, your reaction is natural and that you are on the right track to healing. Every single one of us is on our own journey through grief and loss. Take care of yourself so that by grieving well, you may live well.
Blessings,
Delain Johnson, MS, NCC
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