For support, please email us today at centerforhope@rushmore.com. Every contact with the Sparrow's Nest is confidential.
Blessings,
Delain Johnson, MS, NCC
The Sparrows Nest
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Sunday, January 23, 2011
What is Shock and Trauma? Is there a Difference?
Healing from shock and trauma in our lives takes time and a resolve and comittment to our healing. Saying "yes" to the grief and loss means we are integrating them into our life. It is life--at least here on earth. But where is the hope in overcoming and being normal again?
I want to first define shock and trauma to you. There is a clear deliniation between the two. Stephanie Mines, Ph.D. wrote an amazing book entitled We are all in Shock, How Overwhelming Experiences Shatter you and What You can Do About It. Dr. Mines teaches us that shock is a part of our lives--part of the human experience, a cumulative experience where in lies the danger.
Once shock is exposed it becomes less and less threatening to our health and it gets smaller.
Dr. Mines states, "Shock begins the moment when we are confronted with an experience so stunning that our body/mind system is overwhelmed." Some examples she gives us is a baby separated from his/her mother at birth; a child in need of attention who is ignored by busy parents; witnessing the death of a friend or a loved one; losing a body part in war, a child at birth or miscarriage, or all your possessions in a natural disaster!
She believes that when trauma occurs it strikes and wounds, but when SHOCK occurs it shatters us into a million pieces and it takes TIME to find all those pieces and begin to reintegrate ourselves to self once more.
Trauma on the otherhand allows us to dig deep quickly to react and stabilize sooner because it is the lesser of the two evils so to speak. I liken it to a Richter scale of earthquakes. Trauma rates lower on the Richter scale than Shock...Trauma leaves you saying, "Why do I have to clean up this mess"...Shock rocks your world and leaves you wondering how am I going to survive ,"Will I ever be okay again. I can't go on."
I want to leave you today with Ten Steps to Resolving Shock according to Dr. Mines.
I want to first define shock and trauma to you. There is a clear deliniation between the two. Stephanie Mines, Ph.D. wrote an amazing book entitled We are all in Shock, How Overwhelming Experiences Shatter you and What You can Do About It. Dr. Mines teaches us that shock is a part of our lives--part of the human experience, a cumulative experience where in lies the danger.
Once shock is exposed it becomes less and less threatening to our health and it gets smaller.
Dr. Mines states, "Shock begins the moment when we are confronted with an experience so stunning that our body/mind system is overwhelmed." Some examples she gives us is a baby separated from his/her mother at birth; a child in need of attention who is ignored by busy parents; witnessing the death of a friend or a loved one; losing a body part in war, a child at birth or miscarriage, or all your possessions in a natural disaster!
She believes that when trauma occurs it strikes and wounds, but when SHOCK occurs it shatters us into a million pieces and it takes TIME to find all those pieces and begin to reintegrate ourselves to self once more.
Trauma on the otherhand allows us to dig deep quickly to react and stabilize sooner because it is the lesser of the two evils so to speak. I liken it to a Richter scale of earthquakes. Trauma rates lower on the Richter scale than Shock...Trauma leaves you saying, "Why do I have to clean up this mess"...Shock rocks your world and leaves you wondering how am I going to survive ,"Will I ever be okay again. I can't go on."
I want to leave you today with Ten Steps to Resolving Shock according to Dr. Mines.
1. Identify the lesson in the overwhelming experience.
2. Sustain this awareness.
3. Establish a strong relationship with your body.
4. Develop an inner witness.
5. Make a bond with nature.
6. Know that laughter is the best medicine.
7. Use language as a healing tool.
8. Use touch to heal.
9. Separate past from present.
10. ADDRESS SHOCK IMMEDIATELY.
Remember that this is a process...working with a practitioner, a counselor, a teacher is so important. The counselor companions you through the identification process first and foremost because we can not change what we aren't aware of. Our experiences define us and make us who we are today.
I want to leave you this morning with this thought: When the pain of staying the same is Greater than the pain of CHANGE, then change can happen.
~holding you close in my heart and believing that you can have peace.
Delain
Friday, January 21, 2011
Why the Sparrow
Today, I ponder about the Sparrow, a bird...what is the significance of a Sparrow. This much I know to be true...that when we have a "death" of someone or something in our lives, we are lost and lonely and confused and hurt and-- name any feeling or emotion and it is wrapped up in that experience for a long time. We need to be cared for, held in His arms until we can fly once more and leave the comfort of your "sparrow's nest".
My mom died in 1998 from emphysema after many years of smoking. She died with a great deal of regret and guilt and shame. She would tell me that she was so very sorry for all the years it (smoking) consumed her. She was sorry for the years it would rob me of her being in my life. We were best friends. We loved to window shop, Fridays were the best for garage sales, time for coffee breaks and just talking for hours. She taught my children about Jesus and making cookies and dolls out of hollyhocks and how to be honest. She taught me how to cook and clean and be the best mother I could be. She taught me how to forgive and be forgiven.
Just shortly before mom died (her name was Joy), while we were enjoying a cup of coffee in the dining room of the nursing home where she lived, she asked me, "Are you happy honey?" I said "sure I am". "No honey, really happy, way down in your belly happy?" I thought it was odd for her to ask me such a question, so as to satisfy her wondering, I said, "YES! Emphatically yes". Her answer was simple, "Good. That's all I needed to know."
It was only three days later I was called to the hospital. Mom had gone into a coma. I was devastated. Scared and confused and full of angst. I blamed the nurses, the doctors, even mom. I just knew that she would come out of it and be "alright"--as alright as one could be as sick as she was. She died that very cold February morning in 1998.
I grieved. My children grieved at the loss of their Grandmother. The one who nurtured and taught and scolded at times. In her death, I felt orphaned . I didn't think I could go on without her talks, her wisdom and her amazingly loving smile.
But I have...I have learned that with every goodbye you learn. You learn that kisses aren't forever, that goodbyes don't have to be forever and you learn the memories do last forever. It is as if I hear her voice just when I need to hear it. I see her smile in my mind's eye just when I need to.
The Bible makes reference to the Sparrow many times. They speak of house and home, while Anna (Mary's mother) sees a sparrow before she laments to God. Jesus reassures his followers that not even a sparrow can fall without God's notice and that their own more significant suffering is certainly seen and potentially forestalled or redeemed by God.
Tim told me about sparrow's being around our home and our trees in the backyard after Chris died. I don't remember it at all but he said that I watched them for a long time out there. Perhaps even then the plans were being laid out for The Sparrow's Nest. I believe that we cannot imagine the plans that God has for us for they are great and many.
May you find peace and a sense of safety as you begin your journey toward healing while in the Sparrow's Nest and all we will offer. Have a quiet evening my friends.
~holding you close in my heart
My mom died in 1998 from emphysema after many years of smoking. She died with a great deal of regret and guilt and shame. She would tell me that she was so very sorry for all the years it (smoking) consumed her. She was sorry for the years it would rob me of her being in my life. We were best friends. We loved to window shop, Fridays were the best for garage sales, time for coffee breaks and just talking for hours. She taught my children about Jesus and making cookies and dolls out of hollyhocks and how to be honest. She taught me how to cook and clean and be the best mother I could be. She taught me how to forgive and be forgiven.
Just shortly before mom died (her name was Joy), while we were enjoying a cup of coffee in the dining room of the nursing home where she lived, she asked me, "Are you happy honey?" I said "sure I am". "No honey, really happy, way down in your belly happy?" I thought it was odd for her to ask me such a question, so as to satisfy her wondering, I said, "YES! Emphatically yes". Her answer was simple, "Good. That's all I needed to know."
It was only three days later I was called to the hospital. Mom had gone into a coma. I was devastated. Scared and confused and full of angst. I blamed the nurses, the doctors, even mom. I just knew that she would come out of it and be "alright"--as alright as one could be as sick as she was. She died that very cold February morning in 1998.
I grieved. My children grieved at the loss of their Grandmother. The one who nurtured and taught and scolded at times. In her death, I felt orphaned . I didn't think I could go on without her talks, her wisdom and her amazingly loving smile.
But I have...I have learned that with every goodbye you learn. You learn that kisses aren't forever, that goodbyes don't have to be forever and you learn the memories do last forever. It is as if I hear her voice just when I need to hear it. I see her smile in my mind's eye just when I need to.
The Bible makes reference to the Sparrow many times. They speak of house and home, while Anna (Mary's mother) sees a sparrow before she laments to God. Jesus reassures his followers that not even a sparrow can fall without God's notice and that their own more significant suffering is certainly seen and potentially forestalled or redeemed by God.
Tim told me about sparrow's being around our home and our trees in the backyard after Chris died. I don't remember it at all but he said that I watched them for a long time out there. Perhaps even then the plans were being laid out for The Sparrow's Nest. I believe that we cannot imagine the plans that God has for us for they are great and many.
May you find peace and a sense of safety as you begin your journey toward healing while in the Sparrow's Nest and all we will offer. Have a quiet evening my friends.
~holding you close in my heart
Thursday, January 20, 2011
On Behalf of a Grateful Nation
December 24, 2003--I was alone with my thoughts on that Christmas Eve morning; of two of my children overseas, fighting for our country, away from their family during a season and holiday that is supposed to bring families together. The doorbell rang and as I approached our front door I focused on the green uniform on the other side of the door. I thought to myself with a huge smile on my face, "He did make it home". I opened the door, saw his face and heard the soldier say, "On behalf of a grateful nation..." My first born son, Captain Christopher F. Soelzer, would not be coming home after all.
What happened next...What was said next...I really don't remember. It was the day that my world would never be the same. A hole in my heart that no one person could mend. My husband, Alan (Christopher's Stepfather), heard the news while at the hospital on an ambulance run that three officers were killed by an IED (improvised explosive device). He later told me that he "knew" it was one of our boys. Joshua, my second born, was serving in Iraq also. He was "quarantined" so his commanders could tell him that his brother and best friend was killed on the road to Samara. He had to wait hours in anguish before he could call home, and then there was the very long plane ride to the US. My youngest son, Timothy, was at work when his spouse found him to tell him the news. Tim later told me, he fell to the floor. His "big brother" and "the only one who really understood him and loved him unconditionally" was gone.
The rest of the story will be revealed as this blog continues.
My first entry for this blog reveals my right, my passion, my commitment to starting the Sparrow's Nest. I have realized over the last seven (7) years that God is faithful. His eye is on the sparrow and his love and promises endure forever and watches over me and you.
I commit to you that we, the Sparrow's Nest staff, will companion you through whatever journey brought you to our door. We will continue to walk this solo path together toward full integration of the loss of loved ones, pets, jobs, expectations, broken promises, broken dreams.
We believe in the power of love and a power greater than ourselves. We believe that if you mourn well you will live well. Come and share with us and sit, tell your story again and again.
May your journey begin here...with us~
What happened next...What was said next...I really don't remember. It was the day that my world would never be the same. A hole in my heart that no one person could mend. My husband, Alan (Christopher's Stepfather), heard the news while at the hospital on an ambulance run that three officers were killed by an IED (improvised explosive device). He later told me that he "knew" it was one of our boys. Joshua, my second born, was serving in Iraq also. He was "quarantined" so his commanders could tell him that his brother and best friend was killed on the road to Samara. He had to wait hours in anguish before he could call home, and then there was the very long plane ride to the US. My youngest son, Timothy, was at work when his spouse found him to tell him the news. Tim later told me, he fell to the floor. His "big brother" and "the only one who really understood him and loved him unconditionally" was gone.
The rest of the story will be revealed as this blog continues.
My first entry for this blog reveals my right, my passion, my commitment to starting the Sparrow's Nest. I have realized over the last seven (7) years that God is faithful. His eye is on the sparrow and his love and promises endure forever and watches over me and you.
I commit to you that we, the Sparrow's Nest staff, will companion you through whatever journey brought you to our door. We will continue to walk this solo path together toward full integration of the loss of loved ones, pets, jobs, expectations, broken promises, broken dreams.
We believe in the power of love and a power greater than ourselves. We believe that if you mourn well you will live well. Come and share with us and sit, tell your story again and again.
May your journey begin here...with us~
Welcome!
Thank you for visiting The Sparrow's Nest. At the Sparrow's Nest we have dedicated ourselves to helping those who have or are currently experiencing grief and loss. Whether it be through the death of a loved one, divorce, illness, service men and women who are experiencing PTSD, or any other life transition in which you need a guiding hand, we are here for you in your time of need. The Sparrow's Nest's motto is DUM Spiro Spe`ro (doom spiro sparrow) which in translation means "While I have Breath, I Hope." We want to assist you in finding your inner hope and peace again.
please let us know if we can be of assistance.
Sincerely,
The Sparrow's Nest staff
centerforhope@rushmore.com
please let us know if we can be of assistance.
Sincerely,
The Sparrow's Nest staff
centerforhope@rushmore.com
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