Writing to my other Gold Star Families...

My son, Cpt. Chris Soelzer was killed on Christmas Eve, 2003.  I was on medication for 6 of those 7 years.  It didn't stop the pain, it didn't stop the tears, it just made me able to function and keep my job.  I have learned that if I mourn well I will live well.  I have learned to embrace my loss, my pain, my sadness, my grief, my anger.  There is no right or wrong way to do walk this journey.  I just know that if you can find the one friend and confidant that will not leave you or forsake you and try to get you to "move" through it you will live for another day.  You learn to integrate the death of your son, daughter, husband, wife, grandchild, nephew, niece into your life.  There is nothing that doesn't bring our thoughts back to our loved one.  We can relate most things in life to them.  It becomes part of your story and who you are.  I decided at one point that I was not going to let the death of my son define me...but then how can that be. It does define me.  I have learned to tell my story, over and over and over and over again.  I have learned to only allow the people who understand to stay in my life. I am a mental health therapist on top of all of this.  I specialize in grief counseling...In this area I am the expert in what works for me and maybe a small part of that can help someone else. 

I continue to hold all of you close; I pray for you daily that you find joy once more, that you laugh and not feel guilty, that you find pleasure in the sun coming up, and delight in the loved ones that remained behind.  I have found that joy and delight again.  Because I have loved Christopher, I am honored to have been chosen to be his mother, Josh's mom and Timothy's mom.  I am honored to be the "bonus" mother of Sarah, Christina and Melissa.  I am grateful for the second chance I have been given to be the grandmother of 12 amazing grandchildren. 

I am full of appreciation for sitting at the feet of each of you and learning about your loved ones who were taken too early.  I am humbled that you trust me with your most sacred memories, holy tears and unmeasurable pain and suffering in your grief.

Remember to:

Learn from yesterday, live for today and hope for tomorrow.

Delain